Program & Services

Coping with Change

Basics

Change can take many forms. It can affect every part of our lives. It occurs in our family, at work, and in our social lives. Some changes involve additions. Births, new friends or relationships, and new possessions are welcome changes. Others involve losses. Death, divorce or illness can be devastating. Some changes are sudden, such as losing your job. Others are more gradual, such as entering middle age.

Change can be good or bad. It depends on the person and the situation. For example, a divorce may be a tragedy or a relief. A promotion is good, right? But if you're unsure of your skills, you may view it as negative. Change may be sought out or it may be forced upon you. It can challenge or stimulate you, or make you feel anxious and threatened. Too little change can make life boring, while too much change can be overwhelming.

Good or bad, change requires an adjustment of some kind. This takes energy. If the demands are too great, it can drain you and create stress. Unmanaged stress can cause physical and emotional problems.

You may not be able to control the change itself. So, the key to coping with change is to get control of your response to it as much as possible. That's when adjusting your attitude toward change can help.

Key Tips

Key Tip 1

Change is stressful, even when it's positive. But no change at all can be boring. Strive for balance. Too much stress all at once can be unhealthy. Same, too, if it goes on over a long period of time. People who experience a lot of changes in a brief time period are more likely to have an accident or illness.

Key Tip 2

The Chinese word for change is made up of two symbols. One symbol for is for uncertainty for opportunity. Try to think of change as a mixture of uncertainty and opportunity. Ask yourself what lesson you might learn. What skills you might develop? How might you become stronger as a result of this change?

Key Tip 3

During times of change, you need to take care of yourself. Get regular exercise. Eat a balanced diet. Get enough sleep.

Specifics

Evaluate your life every few months or so. How many changes you are going through? Being aware will make it easier for you to understand and deal with the stress that may come with change.

Change can cause all sorts of stress-related symptoms, such as:

• Headaches
• Insomnia
• Digestive problems
• Muscle tension and backaches
• High blood pressure and heart problems
• Depression or anxiety
• Irritability
• Eating too much or too little
• Alcohol or drug abuse

Schedule planned changes so they don't happen at once. Are you getting married, buying a new house and coping with an ailing parent? You may want to hold off on job hunting until you've had time to deal to these other changes.

If faced with a sudden change, take time to think about your emotions. Are you happy, sad, scared, angry, excited? After you know what you're feeling, ask yourself these questions:

• Is my reaction justified?
• Is the level of my reaction justified by the facts?
• Am I overreacting?
• Am I misinterpreting?
• Is there another way to look at this? Is there an opportunity here?
• Are there parts of this change that I can control?
• Would more information help me cope better with this change?

Learn to relax. Relaxing is one of the best tools for handling stress. Relaxing helps your body unwind. It helps undo the negative effects of stress.

Humor goes a long way in lowering stress. Try to find the humor in situations when possible.

Don't try to weather every change alone. Look for support from family or friends. Humor helps here, too.

FAQs

Only changes that you don't want make problems, right?

No, not really. Any change places demands on you, whether it's one that's wanted, such as a raise, a birth or marriage; or one that's not, such as a job loss, a death or divorce. It's important to be aware of major changes in your life so you can take steps to cope effectively.

Things at work always seem to be changing. How can I cope with changes when I have little or no control over them?

Is it true that you don't have control over the changes? Is there somewhere you can make a suggestion before decisions are made? A meeting, suggestion box or work group? Even if you don't like the change, you may feel better knowing you had some say about them.

Try to view change as a healthy part of life. A company that doesn't change is unlikely to grow. That goes for people, too. Be flexible when change happens. Look for ways to make the change work to your advantage. See it as an opportunity, not a crisis. Sometimes, changing your attitude is the best strategy for coping with change.

I just turned 50. My friends and family threw me a big birthday party, yet I'm really feeling down. I'm already getting mail from the AARP. I'm not ready to be put out to pasture. Everyone thinks I'm happy, but I feel terrible. What's wrong with me?

Sounds like you are stressed about getting older. Turning 50 reminds you of it. You knew it was coming, but it's still something you didn't prepare for. This can be very stressful, yet others may not realize you're going through this.

As you move from stage to stage in your life, you'll face both ups and downs. Don' be surprised to find yourself dealing with stress during most, if not all, of these stages:

• Moving from the teen years to early adulthood
• Turning 30, 40, 50 . . .
• Becoming a parent
• Reaching midlife
• Becoming a grandparent
• Retiring

If you are aware that these are normal phases of life, you can prepare, cope with and reduce stress.

Resources

Books

Charlesworth, Edward A., and Ronald G. Nathan, Stress Management: A Comprehensive Guide to Wellness. Ballantine, 1991.

Davis , Martha, Matthew McKay and Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook. New Harbinger Publications, 2000.