Program & Services

School Violence

Basics

After you send your child to school in the morning, you expect her to return home safely that afternoon. But, when you see stories on TV about a shooting or violence at school you may not feel your child is safe.

No one can tell when events like this will happen. But there are steps you and your child can take to protect them at school.

First, it's important to know the real story. Even with recent shootings, crime within schools has gone down through the 1990s. In the 1996-1997 school year, only one out of every ten U.S. public schools showed at least one serious violent crime. This is according to the U.S. Department of Education. And most events of school violence don't involve guns.

But the numbers also raise some concern. The types of violent crimes in schools like physical attacks, rapes, robbery and killings have gone up. So has the number of multiple homicides. Pictures of school violence are tough to shake, and it's creating fear among students, teachers and parents.

Try not to trouble your children with your fears about safety. What you can do is give them what they need and help them learn how to stay safe, including:

• Telling a parent, teacher or police about any activity that makes them feel uncomfortable or threats made to them
• Learning to solve an argument with words, not fists or weapons
• Staying away from students who have aggressive or violent behaviors, as well as students using drugs or alcohol
• Talking to parents about concerns or fears of school violence

As a parent, you also can become active in your child's school and in the community. Knowing your child's friends and teachers can help you understand her needs and safety concerns. Also ask what your school is doing to keep children safe. If you don't think schools are doing enough, call the local parent-teacher group in the community and ask if you can help with any activities to keep children safe,

Key Tips

Key Tip 1

Talk with your child a lot about what's happening at school. Learn who his friends are and their influences. If someone is picking on him, tell him how to respond with words, not violence. And make sure he knows whom he can go to for help at school. And, above all, carefully listen to any concerns and fears.

Key Tip 2

Teach your child how to be strong with students or situations that could be dangerous. This includes taking threats seriously, looking out for strangers on school playground and reporting any weapons. Make sure he knows where to report these problems and how to get help if situation turns bad.

Make sure your child has a safe route to and from school and is accompanied by trusted friends. Make sure your child knows safe places she can go for help along those routes. More violence actually happens just off school grounds after school than inside the building during school hours.

Key Tip 3

Set an example to teach them how to control their anger by:

• Not allowing them to hit a brother or sister or using other violence to solve fights.
• Solving your own fights in a positive way. Violent arguments, especially between parents, can scare children and set a poor example.

Key Tip 4

Limit your child's exposure to violence and weapons. Watch your child's exposure to violent movies and video games. Make sure kids understand what is okay to watch and what's real. Be sure they're not acting out any of behaviors they have seen. Also, watch their use of the Internet to make sure they're not seeing violent behaviors that you find wrong. And finally, make sure any guns and weapons that you own are in a safe place away from curious children. Point out that weapons are off-limits and that people should never use guns to settle arguments.

Specifics

"Are you chewing gum, young lady?"

Face it, schools have changed. The school bully you remember, that fight behind the gym, the time someone put gum on your chair aren't anything like what is happening in schools today.

With changing times comes a need to change attitudes about how things work and how we should inform our children. While your father may have urged you to stand up to a bully, there was little chance that bully would meet you after school with a loaded Uzi and a box of ammunition under his coat. Today, you can't risk giving your child the same advice. However, this doesn't mean you need to think of your child's school is a war zone, either. Prudent steps on your part will help to make sure your child's school experience is enjoyable and safe.

What this really means is that both you and your children need to understand safety concerns at school. You should practice what they would do in situations that could turn dangerous. Talk every day about what's happening at school. Make sure your child knows that threats should be taken seriously. They also need to know that weapons or violence should be reported immediately. Teachers and adults at the school can make sure certain punishments are given for violent behaviors. This can make a difference.

Be sure your child knows how to deal with that bullies at school. Teach her what to say calmly, but firmly, when others insult, threaten or hit her. No matter what happens, she should never choose to hit or name-call. If the teasing or abuse continues, make sure she knows who to report the problem to. Call her teacher or principal. Let your child know that you're doing so because she has a right to feel safe and comfortable at school.

Cherry Creek School District in Englewood, Colo., created a program that's worth trying. It helps victims to use certain strategies. The shortened form of this plan is HA-HA-SO:

Help. Seek it.
Assert. "Stop making fun of me. It's mean and unfair."
Humor. "I know this is an ugly shirt. Aunt Christine either has poor taste or a mean streak."
Avoid. Walk away.
Self-talk. "I know I'm not really ugly."
Own it. "You're right; I am a native American. Do you want to know what my culture is really like?"

Talk about peer pressure with your child. Explain that children who try to pressure him into doing things that make him feel uncomfortable aren't really his friends. True friends will accept his choices. And nudge your child toward students who may have a better influence. Encourage activities with those children and tell him the importance of staying away from troublemakers. It's a lot easier for him to stand up against violence if he's not standing alone. Also encourage your child to participate in other school activities. Doing more at school than going to classes will help them feel proud of their school and your child may become more watchful for negative pressures at school, such as violence.

And, finally, be active in your child's school. Join the school parents group and attend school functions and parent-teacher conferences. By seeing you at school, your child and her teachers will know you care about what happens there. If principals and teachers aren't doing enough to make the school safe, work with your school board and parent groups to make changes.

FAQs

My 11-year-old son hangs around other boys who are suspected of vandalizing property. They've never hurt anyone as far as I know, but I'm worried.

Damaging property is a form of violence, and more serious violence can follow. Your son may not do this type of violence, but he may feel peer pressure to act in violent ways. He's still young enough for you to set limits about his friends and acceptable behaviors. Set limits, and stick to them.

My teen-age daughter told me that several girls at school are teasing her every day. Twice, they've threatened her with violence, and she's scared. What can I do?

It's understandable that your daughter is frightened, and it's important that you do everything you can to help her. First, contact your school to make them aware of the problem. Ask them what they will exactly do to protect your daughter. Second, teach her ways to stay away these girls, to talk firmly to them without making them angry, and to get help if necessary.

My 14-year-old son has a friend who hasn't done anything violent that I'm aware of, but he acts strangely and I'm concerned he could become violent. Should I tell someone?

Warning signs for young people who could have violent behavior, from the American Psychological Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics, include:

• Doing poorly in school
• Often expressing feelings that life's unfair
• Ignoring others' feelings and rights
• Treating people badly
• Ignoring parents, teachers and other adults
• Using alcohol or drugs

Some of these also could be signs of other problems, so don't treat your son's friend unfairly. If your son's friend is showing some of these signs, your best answer is to talk to a school teacher or principal.

Resources

When you need help, information and support talk to a:

• Psychologist
• Pediatrician
• Mental-health professional
• School counselor

Books

Lantieri, Linda and Janet Patti, Waging Peace in Our Schools. Beacon Press, 1998.

Lichter, Daphne, How to Protect Our Children in School: A Step-by-step Guide for Busy Parents and Professionals. New Millennium Press, 1999.